Being a crossdresser often can be so lonely. Growing up I often felt very alone without anyone to confide in. Guy’s need to be macho and show no emotions, right? Girls liked to giggle and talk about anything and I certainly did not want them spreading news about me.

Who do you turn to when you cannot tell your friends, parents, siblings. You turn to you girl side and talk to yourself. That is what I did. I created this incredible imaginary world for myself and lived in the glass house of my dreams.

I would dress up in secret and create images in my mind of what my friends would be like. I would love to have friends that were just like me, either a boy/girl or girl/boy, it was all in my mind.

The internet of recent years has given me the opportunity to open up and communicate with others that understand me. Part of my journey on this blog is to let others know they are not alone and never have to be alone ever again.One of my dearest friends is Jessica De Leon and she writes tremendous material on her site called Jessica Who. I do not need to say more, just click and join her friends club and enjoy. Jessica has a contest going on at the present moment on her site. You can win a copy of the brand new film called”Rage”.Go to her site and enter right now.

Louise St. John

“Candylots”, where you can explore,sweeten and spice up your love(sex) life!

I have been fighting with my inner-self since I was 6 or 7 years old and today, I am in my late 50’s. My story, I feel, needs to be told because I can feel how many of you need to be free and realize that you are not alone. Here are just a few of the things I have not done as a crossdresser yet. Yes, many will explain all their accomplishments and how great they feel about having come out, but let me tell you about the other side, the one that as not come out.

• I have no pictures of myself as a crossdresser and do not feel beautiful enough to post any,yet?
• The only person that has seen me dressed as a woman is my wife and partner of 42 years.
• I find it difficult to buy woman’s clothes and shoes on my own. I am shy, yet not meek in any way. I just feel a need to protect myself and yet I want to let all these feelings out and scream my inner desires out loud, if I could?
• I have no crossdressing friends except those on-line that help and understand me. I have never been to a party for crossdressers and only dream of that day.
• I have dreams of being free to show myself to the world but I have nightmares about being a terrible disappointment to friends and family.
• Being feminine as always been part of me. I have carried this weight on my strong shoulders all my life and truly believe I am worth all that these feelings mean, deep inside.
• I am still in the closet and want to expose what it feels like to be their, and try to express my feelings. I want everyone to know? Do I? Should I? When? Where? How?…

Telling my story from the beginning is just a small part of who I am and hopefully my writing abilities will do justice to you all that feel like I do. Many of you will see yourselves in my shoes and that “feeling” will send shivers through your whole body, like it has been doing to me all my life.

• Follow my journey from way back when I was a little girl, sorry, little boy and live your memories through mine.

I will be posting my story in tid-bits not to bore anyone yet leave you time to reflect on your past.Feel free to communicate your feelings to me and we can share this journey into the past together?

Louise ST. John

“Candylots”, where you can explore, sweeten and spice up your love(sex) life!